Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
