I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
