Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
