Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
