i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize