She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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