my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
