At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
