Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
