it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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