she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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