I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
