Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize
