Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
