If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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