last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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