I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
