I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
