I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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