There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
