new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
