his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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