I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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