hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
