I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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