Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
