After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
