I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
