She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
