peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
