This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
