If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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