Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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