I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
