the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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