this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
