There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
