Ambien. No doubt about it.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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