I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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