doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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