my sisters under your porch take her home
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
