Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
