It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Randomize
