did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
