I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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