She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
