im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I wear drunk well.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
