she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
i've created a new STD.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
