I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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