You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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