So drunk, too bad you don't want this
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Less talking, more tequila
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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