Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
