I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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