My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
