That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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