Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
