I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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