Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
