is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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