I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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