but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
