I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize