went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
