Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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