if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so that wasnt chicken after all
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
