okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
