I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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