the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
In other news, I just burned my penis
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
