I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
