So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My ATM looks so different sober.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
