I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
im about as happy as oj after his trial
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
