i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
