Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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