My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
