i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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