these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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