the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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