Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
