you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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