plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
