she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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