It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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