Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
