I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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