did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
