if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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