I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
