she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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