a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
