You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize