sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
