either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
