I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
