Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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