God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
