Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
