filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
