I am spending my child support on dildos
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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