god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
