my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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