I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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