I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
its not stalking. its research.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
