First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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