I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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