You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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