Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
