tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
