my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
