What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
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