I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
