Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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