mondays should just be called national damage control day
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
