Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
