saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
